LCT

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Dial-a-cliché

"Drainage of the world and all the outcome of the points"

The following were culled (with permission) from Karl Maton’s social media.

New entries are added to the bottom of the page.


Films of intellectuals are uncanny. I too write all of my work on the inside of windows using a white pen. The cost of sending articles to publishers is killing me.

Achieving nothing is easy. Doing nothing is hard work.

There is always an inverse relation between the quality of the conference bag and the quality of the conference.

Some postgraduates need the carrot, some the stick … I’m tired of the confusion so from now on I'm beating them with carrot sticks.

In a seminar today on education a student asked 'Is this course education or training?' . It's neither, I replied. 'What is it then?', he asked. Factory farming, I sighed.

I’m reading Dante’s "The Divine Comedy". I have to say, the jokes are rubbish.

Life includes pain, you're not special, being miserable isn't solved by thinking about it all differently .... I want to see that on a picture of a heart drawn into sand at a beach with a sunset.

The publication is the gravestone of the writing. A CV is a slowly growing cemetery.

When I read education research I worry I’ve got Tourette’s, as a voice in my head shouts expletives over and over.

I've finally finished reading the Internet. I'm really not sure about the ending ... it seemed a bit underdone.

I took hours being born and fell asleep mid-birth (true!). Every morning is a re-enactment.

Choosing PhD students on the basis of their Honours year is like selecting marathon runners based on a 50-yard dash.

On most writing days my accomplishment totals laundry.

To keep up to date I am using a new marking scheme: High Distinction (1st), Distinction (2.1), Credit (2.2), Pass (3rd), Fail, Epic Fail.

I'm producing a film called 'Regeneration'.The third sequel will be called 'Regeneration: Regeneration'.

Awesome google translate into English: "Article Friends of the name is Karl Maton, made left saying a theory called Legitimation Code Theory, Department of Sociological Approach. Drainage of the world and all the outcome of the points Jiye, divided into four categories: Relativist Knower, Knowledge, Elite"

Does Lycra make people smug? Is a bicycle the catalytic agent?

How I hear AFL scores: "The giraffes beat the sundials 13, 8, 304 to 72, cos(x)/sin(y), 123 despite a 7 hand goal comeback in the 3rd quarter with 19 behinds and 53 cotangents."

I have been all over the place today. It's time to collapse, like a wave function, onto the sofa.

Those who really hate you are never in other disciplines or rival theories - they’re right here, in the room, at your own conference, smiling at you.

No amount of work can equal the work I am convinced I could be doing while waiting to see a doctor.

"The best things in life are free" doesn't work when the waiter presents you with the bill.

Worrying about ontology is a phase one has to go through but then move on to get real work done. Like adolescence.

Worrying about ontology is something one must go through on the way to somewhere worthwhile, but not stop there. Like the English Midlands. Or Sydney Shire.

When you walk to the bus stop at the exact moment your bus arrives you should be able to “high five” the driver.

The muse has deserted me. I am not amused.

First university to offer me a research-only position gets me, my publications, grants, and I’ll throw in some copy toner and A4 paper to sweeten the deal.

"The reflex is an only child, he's waiting in the park. The reflex is in charge of finding treasures in the dark". - thus Simon Le Bon failed his doctor's exams.

“Club Tropicana, drinks are free” - which is why it shut. Poor business model.

If he is “strumming your pain with his fingers”, call the police for god's sake.

Please don't send me work, ask for feedback, enjoy an unofficial supervision, and then chide me for not having written more - a punch in the head may offend.

We should organise a conference at the University of Cape Town using the framework to analyse educational technology, just so we can call it: ‘LCT on ICT at UCT’.

The last thing I wrote reads as if dictated from the gods. Everything before that reads as if written by a five-year old, in crayon.

Most education research sets the theoretical bar so low the chief danger lies in tripping over it. [Original source: KM’s PhD thesis.]

Apparently I swear too much when lecturing. No shit.

Doing my To Do list is now at the top of my To Do list. I’m not sure what’s second.

I cannot walk through automatic doors without pretending I'm a Jedi.

To all those giving it 110% effort. I'm okay with you trying 100% and using that extra effort to learn maths.

If too long thinking like Yoda you spend, difficult writing will be. Impossible to now write this chapter is.

It is impossible to hold a still-zipped banana and not pretend it's a gun.

The first time I heard my name spoken in a conference paper I sat bolt upright and said "Here!". I was half-asleep and temporarily flashbacked to school.

Reading this list of plenary speakers I turned into an owl: ‘Twit! Who? Twit! Who? Twit! Who?’

I know I’m getting old because the joke “I have milk in the fridge that’s older than you” that I aim at students is now itself older than the students.

If someone uses ‘my journey’ in conversation or a web profile or at any time, it is legal to punch them in the face until they stop.

If someone says ‘the school of the future will have no walls’ or ‘education is all about engagement’ or ‘teaching is about allowing children’s inner creativity to flourish’, it is not actually legal to punch them in the face, but it is certainly cathartic.

According to Scientific American "older adults prize accuracy rather than speed". I wonder what doing accuracy feels like.

Student in tute today: "You have tattoos! ... Are they prison tattoos?"

Status From The Archives: 2 Jan 1984: So excited about getting a Commodore 64 for Xmas. Game nearly loaded!!!

For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for nature cannot be fooled. ~ Richard Feynman. For a successful educational idea, public relations often take precedence over reality, for people can be fooled ~ Me.

Someone emailed me five huge files of data today and asked me to explain what was going on. I think the answer is: you've mistaken me for a charity "analyse while you wait" service.

Okay, so we were told Eskimos had 50 words for snow. Then told it was an urban myth. Now it turns out the Inuit have even more than 50 words for snow. You can't trust an urban myth these days.

I just gave legal permission to myself to use my own figure from a paper that has yet to be published.

Well, that day won’t be making it to my highlights reel when my life flashes before my eyes.

Why wasn’t Freeman Dyson an expert on vacuums?

If anyone asks me “Do you believe in….?”, they should know the answer already.

Much French postwar philosophising is more poetry than analysis. And not very good poetry.

My third favourite physics joke is the plaque on a house saying ‘Heisenberg may have slept here’.

The only way I could give a toss about the Sydney-Hobart race would be if I owned a fully-armed U-boat.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Item in the Baggins Area

I'm always forgetting where Bruce Springsteen was born.

The argument that more guns will lead to less shooting would only work if the whole USA engages in a Sergio Leone stand-off forever.

Are they showing The Life of Pi in 3.14D?

My email address is not google. Just so you know. People seem to be getting confused.

My Faculty has forms you must fill in to create an application to make an application for a grant. I kid you not. You must apply for permission to apply.

There is only one thing worse than writing: not writing.

I've not finished the damn book because I've been commenting on your work - that should answer that annoying question for most of those who ask it.

Adobe and iTunes should really consider updating more often.

Every time a bell rings I get a yearning for pavlova.

Fundamentalists are fundamentally mental and no fun.

I'm taking antibiotics and probiotics. Which will win?

I've still not opened the Xmas present I got from Schrödinger.

A few things heard and seen while travelling:

"Food served all day. Open 12:00 - 7.00pm". (shop sign in Kent village).

"The wifi doesn't reach the room" (Karl). "Well, this is a 14th century coaching inn, sir" (hotelier).

"Try this wine we made. It's not disgusting." (Karl's sister, Helen).

Maton's Fourth Law: There is an inverse relationship between the number of people in a changing room and the likelihood the next person who enters needs you to move to access their locker. With less people, more likely. When alone, it is effectively 100%.

On Maton's Fourth Law: It would appear at first glance that this cannot hold for changing rooms with only a few people, as each person could not have a high likelihood of being disrupted. However, a few people causes the entrant to forget the position of their locker and disrupt most of those present in their search.

In the British Parliament MPs from opposing parties "pair off", so they can be absent but it doesn't matter because they'd cancel each other out anyway. This could save me ever attending another Department meeting. I could pair off with someone who always thinks the opposite to me. This could be almost anyone in the Department.

Breakthroughs in thinking may feel like they appear like a lightning bolt from the blue, but the thunderstorm has been building and brewing for quite a while.

Danger is my middle name. That's why I don't use it.

Those who write intellectual manifestoes believe they are running for office. They are seeking supporters. It is easy to write a manifesto. It is very hard to fulfil one. That's what the supporters are expected to do.

Too many academic books are the 12" version of what would be a much better 7".

High culture is so called because it's the culture that can give you a high.

Students know pedagogy like patients know medicine.

Don't put your money where your mouth is - money is dirty, covered in germs and tastes foul.

Those who declaim teachers shouldn't teach are not teachers, incapable of teaching, or have nothing to teach. They should follow their own advice, swiftly.

The milk carton says "SHAKE WELL BEFORE OPENING". So for breakfast I do it the night before.

I have outsourced my email responses to a Magic 8 Ball. Is this a good idea? 'Without a doubt'.

I want to watch American History X. Can someone summarise what happened in the first nine?

I finish boxing, strip off and head to the showers. And as I do so, naked, the only other guy in the changing room says "Excuse me, are you Karl Maton?". Weird timing.

Marriage equality is a no-brainer. If you're against, you've no brain.

Academia is a little bit like real estate. It's all about citation, citation, citation.

Meditating I look up and realise that to a witness it would appear I sit at an altar for Dorothy Parker. A removalist asked me if the photograph was of my mother or grandmother. "In a way".

There is nothing like seeing your GP to make you asymptomatic. I may simply book an appointment 7 days a week to ensure my permanent recovery.

People who email, receive an auto-response saying I'm away and will reply after a specific date, then email again the next day to ask if I got their first email... you're not reading my email anyway, so why do you want another reply?

Moving to solely online submission of assignments has achieved one major change only in my units these past few years: changing excuses from "But I handed it in!" to "But I submitted it online!". Feel the revolution.

Every inch of autonomy I lose is an inch I move closer to the door.

This student's story about why they submitted their essay well after the final deadline and why their exam is not showing online and why they should not fail the unit has been optioned by Netflix and is now in production for two series of 13 episodes each.

I live in the extra mile.

My email translation app is working well. This morning's subject headings:

  • Work for nothing dressed up as gaining status
  • Unnecessary meeting
  • Lazy spoonfed student query
  • 'Do my teaching' camouflaged as teamwork
  • Help Elsevier's profits

Pro tip. Can't think of a real idea but want to stake a claim? Add an adjective before 'capital' or 'habitus'. Still available: bespoke capital, shopping habitus, fostered capital and many more.

Pitch for film called "The Killing Field Theorist": Bourdieu comes back and hunts down everyone misusing his work. This is a franchise in the making.

For productivity December is the Friday afternoon of the year.

 

Last Updated on Wednesday, 16 December 2015 14:36